How to start?
To get started - whether it's a couples or an individual journey - take a look at the following books I recommend.
Alternatively, if you'd like to enquire about working with me please email me on
Couples
These are my top book recommendations for couples.
It Takes One To Tango:
How I Rescued My Marriage with (Almost) No Help From My Spouse—and How You Can, Too
Winifred Reilly
If the title of this book makes your heart sink, I get it. So does Winifred. She agrees, 'Yes, it sucks to have to do the work alone'.
But she also says, 'But it means you get to be the ambassador for growth - individually and for the couple'. That makes a lot of sense to me.
Winifred tells the story of her marriage's evolution - within the framework of
Ellyn Bader and Pete Pearson's Couples Institute Developmental Model.
So it's a great resource if you're working with me.
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Tell Me No Lies
How To Stop Lying To Your Partner - And Yourself - In The 4 Stages Of Marriage
Dr Ellyn Bader, Dr Peter Pearson and Judith Schwartz
Let's be honest - we all lie.
There are reasons we lie in our relationships. And mostly this leads to the erosion of trust for ourselves and for our partner.
This book also sits within the framework of the Developmental Model - which helps explain why we end up lying...
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You Are The One You've Been Waiting For:
A New Approach To Intimate Relationships With The IFS Model
Dick Schwartz
Our Parts are constantly seeking and yet rejecting intimacy. It's often our Parts - both our Protectors and Exiles - that end up running our relationships.
When they're in charge there is no clear communication.
An understanding of our true Self is essential to nourish the capacity to communicate and create a vibrant and compassionate relationship.
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Internal Family Systems Couples Therapy Skills Manual
Toni Herbine-Blank and Martha Sweezy
Toni and Martha summarize the IFS model of couples therapy (Intimacy From The Inside Out, IFIO) in this simple and clear 'manual' - valuable for both therapists and couples alike.
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Intimacy From The Inside Out
Courage And Compassion in Couple Therapy
Toni Herbine-Blank, Donna Kerpelman and Martha Sweezy
An in-depth guide to the IFS/IFIO approach to couples therapy.
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Internal Family Systems (IFS)
These are some of the main books from Dick Schwartz describing his Internal Family Systems approach to trauma resolution and Self exploration.
No Bad Parts:
Healing Trauma & Restoring Wholeness with the IFS Model
Richard C. Schwartz
The beauty of the IFS approach is that we get to understand the positive and often wise intent of even our most challenging parts.
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Greater Than The Sum Of Our Parts
Discovering Your True Self Through Internal Systems Therapy
Richard C. Schwartz
Dick's audiobook which describes the Internal Family Systems model. This version also contains several guided IFS meditations.
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Sex and Orgasm
Come As You Are
The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life
Emily Nagoski, PhD.
When our Parts start questioning whether our sexuality and sexual response is 'normal' it can pile on a ton of pressure.
Emily's book explains in super simple terms the reality and complexity of the female biology in a way which will help normalize your situation, and provide tools to work with your own sexual response.
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Apology
Why Won't You Apologize?
Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts
Harriet Lerner
A quality apology is way more than the words 'I'm sorry'. A quality apology serves and heals the one giving the apology, the recipient, and also the relationship.
Learning to delivery a quality apology invites the one apologizing to become differentiated - the foundation of a healthy relationship.
Learning these skills is an integral part of couples therapy.
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Men
I Don't Want To Talk About It:
Overcoming The Secret Legacy Of Male Depression
Terence Real
If you're a man or in a relationship with a man, it makes sense to learn about the conditioning that men receive. The goal is for greater understanding and hence compassion.
I strongly recommend this book for men and women alike.
Terry Real is a leading couples therapist and a strong advocate for men's work.
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